And now a brief story Rollins is telling to his crewmates on the Saucy Lass:
So there I was, right? Up on stage in front of an audience of about 5,000 beings, giants, humans, halfings, merfolk, demons, angles, other gnomes, faeries, orcs, elves and goblins . Just me and my trumpet with the backing jazz of The Gentlemen Giants. I was playing some mean music and rocking the auditorium, which is no easy feat for someone 3 feet tall, but I’m motherfucking Rollins Vas’Tirach ‘the gnome who is big with the giants’. It says that on my scroll, here take one, I got a few open dates up ahead, just tap there to summon my booking wizard. Anyhow, I had the whole crowd dancing to my tune, no magic needed even, just the magic of music. I gave them one of the best sessions that has never been recorded, and I know that because I have been to many a session in my travels.
Right, so after I put down my trumpet, I hear a roar and applause. I had full bottles of booze tossed to me (it’s how you show appreciation on Germany, with booze, what a great place) and flowers and I was showered with plat pieces. I then made the biggest mistake of that week, I bowed. See, I had forgotten that bowing is the greatest offense to giants, who are the primary population of Germany. The Warchief and his concubine were at my performance. The room went quiet enough for me to hear someone shout “oh, snap! you gonna take that shit Hutta?” and of course now that Hutta has been called out he has to answer. He bellows “Oi! Rollins, you disrespect me on my island? On my stage? Your skull will be on my belt buckle!”
Thinking fast, I shattered a bottle of brew that happened to be laying at my feet and used a bit of fairy fire to light a quick blaze. The booze made a quick large and most importantly, distracting flame, causing everyone to lose sight of me and panic. I dived down off the stage, leaving behind enough money to get me my own ship, and enough drink to fill said ship, but thus is the life of a bard.
I weaved my way though the panicked crowd, dodging legs and trying to avoid giants, until I found what I was looking for, a woman wearing an oversized dress that skimmed the floor and stuck out to the sides a good distance. I spotted the dress a few yards away, bright green and going beyond my sight, due to the crowd. I managed to dive under the hem and realized my mistake, as those legs were huge, and I don’t mean huge to a gnome, but huge to humans too. Not that they were bad legs by any measure, very nice looking, but her kneecaps were about 6 feet off the ground and light blue. I suddenly had a horrible feeling, but I had to keep pace with the legs, which wasn’t that hard, as I was quite focused on them, very well formed, in case I didn’t mention. After the terrain changed from the carpeted amphitheater to snowy streets, I realized why I should be feeling bad, the only frost giant with a blue dress in the joint was the concubine of the warchief Hutta. I couldn’t peek out from under the dress without risking being seen, so I kept pace with her down the snowy path and into what I assumed to be a mansion, judging by the Arcadian marble floors.
She started talking to someone I can only assume was Hutta “You know, he was only bowing, as that is what musicians do to show respect around the rest of the world!” she said in a fairly nagging tone. “Well, for the last couple hundred years here, as you damn well know, bowing only happens when you are due to be executed, if someone bows at you and you don’t decapitate them, you are considered to be a weaking! You know my rule is only as good as my respect, I can’t handle having a little gnome defy me, even accidentally!” he shouted back at her. It was another bit of drama, I don’t need to bore you with the rest, as it wasn’t about me, just about them, and it was also in German, I translated it for you, did I mention I also inserted the reasoning as to why bowing is an offense? no, well I did because I am a master at storytelling and I am an expert on history. oh, why did I bow in the first place? Haven’t you ever been caught up in the moment and made a small mistake that is kind of awkward to others, shit happens right?
Anyhow, she stormed out of the room and into her own private quarters and this is when I got caught offguard, she whispered “you can come out from under there, as I think you had enough show, Mr. Rollins.” I improvised wisely, by saying “Rollins is my first name beautiful, and I may be small in stature, but I can fill my head with all the show I can see, as I stepped out with a flurish that was considered both appropriate and seductive on Germany. We had a quick chat after that, full of interesting topics and then she made the night worth it, “..well, I have a giant growth potion here, it will give us plenty of time, it lasts 4 hours.” she smiled at me. At that point I became gigantic and proceeded to have my way with a frost giant inside of the warchief’s mansion with his woman while he had a bounty on my head, did I mention that I am amazing? Obviously her moans of satisfaction were extremely loud and we were interrupted by the Warchief right as I was about to get mine, causing me to jump as he kicked down the door, I turned and then uhh.. let fly my arrow at him. He was completely stunned, giving me time to grab my still gnome sized clothing, and make a quick dash passed the still stunned (and covered) Warchief, as I ran out into the streets of Germantown in the wee hours of the night. I managed to hide until the potion wore off, then snuck onto a ship while hearing Hutta swear he will find me, kill me, have a priest resurrect me, then kill me again.
My only regret was not getting the concubine’s name.
Spud shouts at Rollins “No fucking way!”
Rollins responds with a shrug “I swear it upon the Vas’Tirach name and my trumpet. No embellishment, I seduced a frost giant concubine.”
Posted by d3adend 
