A Jersey Shore Story

Ronnie was walking down the boardwalk, when shit got real.

Some bro was trying to start shit so Ronnie showed his fucking shit.  Had to show who runs the fucking shore. Who the fucking boss is (not Tony Danza fucker)

so he went all “COME AT ME BRO!”

The bitch fired back with the proven counter response “No bro! Come at me!”

“No Bro, Come at me!” “No, Come at me bro!” their mindwar being so fucking hardcore. They were all making poses and raising fists at each other to show their hardness.

“Come in me bro!” said Ronnie. He fucking kicked it up to double-down-gay-dare, only the biggest loser-fag would back down from that shit.

Late to the party on this.

Somewhere in the world there is a man.

this man has a knife, and he’s just hangin out.

21 feet away from you.

Try going for a walk in the park.. WRONG BITCH! HE IS 21 feet away, Just Hangin Out.

My day is fucking ruined by this dude.

So don’t get close to anyone.  Stay at least 30 feet away from every single person you can find.  As if they have a knife, you will be stabbed.

Then I saw this.

Fuck.  We are all fucked.  Knife Guys will be getting me from 121 feet away.

I give up, I’m going to hide from these knife guys.

Oh.. nothing to worry about.  That dude just lost the fight against a piece of cardboard.  In fact, he lost his goddamn “peanut” as it were.

I don’t like the suburbs

I am not sure if it’s the grass.  Or that if I turn down the wrong street I will see another neighborhood almost just like mine.  Nearly anywhere in the country.  My 2 story, 3 bedroom home is cookie cutter.  It’s not a bad design, nor is my neighborhood, which is how I could travel 500 miles and find another like it.  Then another 1000 to another just like it.  That is skipping all the ones inbetween.  The suburbs grate on me.  It’s the sense of sameness, I know that others have mentioned this but it really makes me feel insignificant to know that others are feeling this way too, as I know out there, is at least 1 or 2 other people who are almost me.

There is also the fact that the suburbs are unsustainable, and most buildings aren’t built to last.  What happens when this 40 year old home becomes 100?  Will anyone try and protest the demolition of the suburbs?  Where are people going to expand?  40 years ago my home would be in the country, a 45 minute drive from Detroit, a weekend getaway.  Now the getaway places are 100 miles north.  But people are already living and working there.  When will the cabin-on-the-lakers realize they are the reason why they need to get cabins further and further out?  When does our horizontal expansion stop?

I want to live in a city, I want to be around people.  I want to live somewhere with public infrastructure and it’s own unique style and ideas.  I want to live in a place that isn’t the same as every other place.

Fun with /r9k/ vol 1.

There was a hookup thread, I decided to get in on the action.  So I posted this:

27
Male
Gotham
6’2″
Strong
Fighting Crime
My Parents Are DEAD
HeckYeahImBatman

It wasn’t long before I got some replies..

I Still Hate Clash Of The Titans

It’s been.. a month or so since I saw that movie.

My soul still burns from the horror of watching it.

I thought the acting was somewhere around horrible, the writing was utter shit.  Almost every line in the movie was cringe-worthy and delivered with so much seriousness and rage, but not enough to make it a comedy.  The action scenes were so poorly shot I couldn’t tell what the fuck was going on.  Character interactions made no sense.  As Perseus is trying to defy Zeus who is giving him gifts?  Even though he could have before?  Then Perseus and Daddy Zeus have a sudden reconciliation off-screen and they defeat Hades with their powers combined?  The plot was shit, the action was shit, the acting was shit and this is OBJECTIVELY, they were all poorly done.  Taking taste into account?  So much worse.

Anyone who enjoyed that wreck is a horrible person and is part of the reason why American Idol is popular.

Get Faster (Short Story)

The realization that the new status quo of my life is ever accelerating change and improvement causes me to gasp in the morning air.  I exclaim “whoa” loudly. 2 years ago I was just another lab rat.  No, not a technician, I was a RAT, with paws and a tail, a normal one at that.  But things keep changing, I keep getting smarter along with everyone else, as I talk to them, all of them at once.  Every moment I know what they know and know more of myself, but also know more of what everyone knows.  It’s amazing really, only 1 person knows where we are going to end up it seems.  I take that back, we all know where this may end up, well, 1 of 2 solutions now.

Either we ascend reality as Earth, or we fracture apart into the multiverse, as 2 minutes ago we figured out how to enter alternate universes, 15 seconds ago we started exploring.  Someone called us Schroedinger’s singularity.  As we don’t know if we are a good thing, or a bad thing  until history ends (5.9 trillion years to go) or we can skip ahead via time travel (2 years from now at current growth curve) and travel back to now to tell (95% chance of being impossible, the multiverse entry technique may show a way to travel back.) I wonder why if Earth discovers time travel, there haven’t’ been paradoxes in the past already, or something of the predestination manifestation.  I am shocked I can think of this, only 3 months ago I joined Earth. 2 days after that I could talk, where I go next is a mystery, maybe I will shed the me and the I and become part of a true hivemind superentity.

I wish my mother had lived to become an immortal genius like me.