Mountain Dew Is Water For Extremely Cool People

I fucking love Mountain Dew.

I drink way too much of this shit.  I drink it almost as much as I drink water, and depending on the day, I may drink more Dew than Water, even though Mountain Dew has water in it.  So I drink an impossible amount of it, is what I am saying.  But I am also surprisingly lethargic for someone with this much sugar and caffeine running though my body, it’s as if I require this much just to stay at a near human-baseline.  I try and imagine me without any Dew inside of me, and I have 2 visions, 1 is of me being full of life and energy and being active, the other is me just laying flat on my bed, lacking the power to move my limbs, or the ability to maintain consciousness.  The first idea is probably true, the second is what I like to think is true, so I can keep drinking my God Nectar.

But going to the title of the post, that Mountain Dew Is Water For Extremely Cool People, it’s fucking true.  Think of those commercials, with  cool dressed stoners head-butting rams and kayaking down your FACE, they drink mountain dew like it was the only option for fueling their extreme and cool lifestyle.  Which is why I think Gamer Fuel flavor failed, as it turns out.. you don’t need much energy to maintain a gaming lifestyle, in fact.. you may want to have less calories, but keep the caffeine, that shit is fucking useful.  It was also orange, which was a good idea, as when a typical d00d paws at his bottle, his fingers are orange from cheeto stains, and the cheeto color coats everything.  Having it invisible on the bottle hides up to 15% more shame than the other leading colors.

Mountain Dew also has new flavors, it has Horde and Alliance flavor.  Now, when I play me some WoW, I roll Horde and I play on Zul’Jin, but I love the Night Elf flavor.  I know it has some other name, something about electric or lightning or shit, but It’s fucking Night Elf flavor to me, I like to imagine that this flavor of Dew uses extract from the Moon Well and thus contains a little bit of magic in it.  No, I don’t care if the Moon Well doesn’t exist, the mental image makes it taste better goddamn it!

Taco Bell Is Awesome

Really, Taco Bell is the greatest fast-food place in the world.  I was feeling down today, as was my mother, so while I was out I got some Taco Bell.  The burritos managed to cheer us up, it’s not that they taste great, or anything.. but they taste good enough.  Now the day became a good day and I had a smile upon my face.

Anyone remember Demolition Man?  It was a shitty movie, but it in the future.. everyone eats Taco Bell, all the time.  I want that future, it’s a happy future.

I Drink Your Milkshake!

I have been waiting all day to shout “I drink your milkshake!” but much to my dismay, not a single person I see has a milkshake handy.  Don’t they understand that I can’t be satisfied without their milkshake?

This is why friends are horrible, none of them can tell that I suddenly had that line from “There Will Be Blood” stuck inside my head.  I almost ordered a milkshake at Dairy Queen, just so I could hand it to someone, steal it back and shout “I Drink your milkshake!” at them.  Instead I got a Blizzard with truffles in it.  I think it made me sick, but it was as amazing as it sounds.  I don’t feel bad about eating it at all.

I can’t even remember too much about “There Will Be Blood”, I can remember it being good, and the line I keep repeating, the jarring music, and that it was fairly fucked up.  I am not sure if I want to see it again any time soon, but I want to say the line again soon.